Ronbo has a great thread going over at his site. Muslim jokes galore:
Q: What do you ask a man who's just converted to Islam?
A: Have you started beating your wife?
Q How many Muslims does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, they prefer to sit in the dark and blame it on the Jews.
Q: How do you get a Muslim woman pregnant?
A: Dress her up as a goat.
Q: Did you hear the one about the Muslim who won a Nobel Prize in Mathematics?
A:Neither did I.
Q How can you recognise a well-balanced Muslim?
A He's got chips on both shoulders.
Q: What's the difference between Dar al-Islam and a pot of bio-yogurt?
A: The yogurt has a living culture.
Guy goes into sex shop and asks for an inflatable doll. Assistant asks him whether he wants a Christian one or a Muslim one. Customer asks what's the difference. Assistant explains that you need a pump for the Christian doll, but the Muslim one blows itself up.
That's good stuff.
Here, I'll try my hand at a stupid Muslim joke.
Q: What do you call a Muslim with no arms and no legs on his first night at the bath house?
A: Hakinan Yer Jizya.
Q: What do you ask a man who's just converted to Islam?
A: Have you started beating your wife?
Q How many Muslims does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, they prefer to sit in the dark and blame it on the Jews.
Q: How do you get a Muslim woman pregnant?
A: Dress her up as a goat.
Q: Did you hear the one about the Muslim who won a Nobel Prize in Mathematics?
A:Neither did I.
Q How can you recognise a well-balanced Muslim?
A He's got chips on both shoulders.
Q: What's the difference between Dar al-Islam and a pot of bio-yogurt?
A: The yogurt has a living culture.
Guy goes into sex shop and asks for an inflatable doll. Assistant asks him whether he wants a Christian one or a Muslim one. Customer asks what's the difference. Assistant explains that you need a pump for the Christian doll, but the Muslim one blows itself up.
That's good stuff.
Here, I'll try my hand at a stupid Muslim joke.
Q: What do you call a Muslim with no arms and no legs on his first night at the bath house?
A: Hakinan Yer Jizya.
Maybe that's why I got fired from my job as a professional comedian.
ReplyDeleteWow!?! Allow me to restate the obvious...
ReplyDelete'THIS IS DUMB AND YOU ARE NOT FUNNY'
what do you have against those who practice Islam anyway? Try picking up a book and enlighten yourself, I'm sure you are capable of doing more than passing inaccurate Q&A jokes!
I've picked up a lot of books and read about Islam. I've read the Koran and the Hadith.
ReplyDeleteAnd, what I found was that Islamic law stipulates that gays, adulterers and apostates should be put to death.
In fact this is being done to this day in countries like Iran, Saudi Arabia, Sudan, and Nigeria among others.
And, I challenge you find one single sizable Islamic political organization, academic institution, media outlet, or government anywhere in the world which would outright condemn such behavior.
It's a challenge to you, my friend. Educate me.
The jokes are freaking hilarious. Especially the one about the dolls. I almost shat my pants on that one.
ReplyDeleteAnyways, I agree with Pastorius. I am an ex-muslim myself and fanatically practiced Islam for 18 years. Its full of absurd laws and stories. Only a person with intellectual bankruptcy would ever accept this religion.
Wake up people, its 21st century, get out of your comfort zone. I've got better things to do than to follow the teachings of a pedophilic-suicidical-chauvinist-narcissistic-racist lunatic.
Now if you excuse me, I need to go back to playing with my new dog Muhammed.
Muslims? Violent? Nooooooooooo pfffft.
DeleteDon't use the word 'hero' much, but you sir are one.
DeleteLol jokes but so true Islam is a place for fools with no brains flowing a man that couldn't read or write going around killing and raping and it continues to this day in the name of Allah pmsl any one flowing an imaginary friend that allows them to cause pain and suffering in the world are just children not willing to grow up and take responsibility for there lives and can take comfort in there lies peace and love to all stand up and see not bend over and put your head in the sand
DeleteOh yeah, I forgot to add a joke of my own.
ReplyDeleteHere it is:
Jesus and God are sitting in a room discussing an important issue. Somebody knocks on the door. Jesus opens and see's Allah. Jesus turns to God and asks "Father, did you order a shawarma? "
Here's another one:
Two moslem sisters, Meenah and Neenah, have just arrived in the USA. On arrival they spot a hot dog vendor. Meenah says to Neenah, “Look, people in this country eat dogs.”
“Odd!” says Neenah, “but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do.”
Nodding, they walk towards the hot dog vendor.
“Two dogs, please,” says Neenah.
The vendor wraps two hot dogs and hands them over the counter. Excited, the sisters hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap their ‘dogs’. Meenah is the first to open hers. She stares at it for a moment and begins to blush with joy. Then she leans over to Neenah and whispers cautiously, “What part did you get?”
This is bloody hilarious!!! AWESOME!!HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
ReplyDelete"here are more Muslim Jokes/Humor: http://plancksconstant.org/blog1/humor/muslim_jokes/
ReplyDelete“How do Muslims know if the baby in the ultrasound is a boy or a girl?
ReplyDelete“just look out for the pointy tip on the head”
This one is sooo irrelevant since not all muslim parents force their girls to wear it...the Quran says No compulsion in religion. Sso who ever forces their daughter is going agaainst the religion
wow never seen so many morons together in one cyberspace. That's sad. It's like the hillbilly convention. hey yalllllllllll ...... LOL morons.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately there are bad muslims who beat their wives or force their girls to wear hijab and so on, just like there are bad people in every religion. It doesn't make the religion a bad one. To the "ex-muslim", you either are a pretty sad liar or straight out moron because if you really were a muslim you would have seen how great islam is. How it equalized men and women rights when the western world used to sell women and have them inherited. You would have seen how Islam looked into many scientific aspects of our lives to make us appreciate life further, how it was the first actual religion that said clearly "no racism". But do morons and hillbillies like the ones here care? NOPE because people like that have set their mind on a certain idea and think they're right.
To the idiot who wants to know organizations that condemn wrong islamic practices , there is ISNA (Islamic Society of North America) they represent North American muslims and they condemn such acts that unfortunately some fundamentalist countries carry in the name of Islam. There are very decent muslim governments out there that prospered like Oman , United Arab Emirates, Malaysia, Brunai. Dubai is one of the greatest city-economies in the world. Oman is one of the fastest growing economies. People there are very educated and they are proud muslims.
The Quran said that if you want to be enlightened, you will be even if the whole world decided not ; and if you want to stay in the dark , you will even if the whole world wanted to change you. So enjoy being in the darkness of your own soul.
By the way : "How many hillbillies does it take to change a light bulb?" ... none , because they don't know what a light bulb is.....hahahahahahahaha IDIOTS
Wael,
ReplyDeleteISNA:
http://www.militantislammonitor.org/article/id/3819
Dubai:
http://ibloga.blogspot.com/2009/02/goodbye-dubai.html
Malaysia:
http://www.slate.com/id/2090080/
http://www.cswusa.com/Reports%20Pages/Reports-Malaysia.htm
Hahaha funny and true!!!
ReplyDeleteto BadFugu:
ReplyDeleteThe whole issue with the age of the wives of the Prophet has been reconciled and resolved.. but, idiots like you who don't READ won't learn this fact.
to Anonymous, regarding "...terror crap..." :
The terror started with Western aggression against Muslim lands - but, idiots like you who look at only one side of the situation can be brave enough to make such uneducated comments. Read BOTH sides of history. Or, better yet, don't - you probably can't make any useful contribution to society anyway, regardless of how much you read.
to Pastorious and others ridiculing Islam:
It's very easy to make your own little website and make such ridiculous comments and claims. If you're serious, try challenging a Muslim to a debate - and let's see how your one-sided comments fare in an open, public debate. Try going to:
http://www.irf.net/irf/main.htm
Dr. Zakir Naik will take you on in ANY debate topic concerning YOUR MISCONCEPTIONS of ISLAM.
And yes, even for idiots like you, we have refuge in Islam... that's the greatness of the religion, despite your continued lack of humility. But, maybe you need to consult a dictionary first to find the meaning of the words "greatness", "humility", and maybe even "idiots".
Islam is a fake religion with a fake god with a bunch of idiots flowing it I think all Muslims should be given mental healthealth test just to prove they are all mentally insane
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete"The whole issue with the age of the wives of the Prophet has been reconciled and resolved"
ReplyDeleteDon't Make Me Laugh.
Tip:
ReplyDeleteTo get through the massive queue's while Christmas shopping, get a wind-up alarm clock, and put it in your backpack.
It's amazing how many people will let you go in front of them once they realise your backpack is ticking.
This is more philosophy than a joke, if you are religious think about this.
ReplyDeleteWe believe what we get told, when we are young what are perents tell us influences our beliefs for the rest of our lifes.
So my question to all those of you who are religious is WHY? The answer is you were TOLD these beliefs they are NOT your own, they are forced onto you with the fear of the unknown certainty of life, DEATH.
Taking this ferther why do you think a suicide bomber would blow himself up? He wasnt born with the urge to kill, he was flooded with opinions and idealologys of someone else.
A strong person is one who does not conform to others, life is a lesson not a lecture!
A Muslim woman knocked on my front door last night - I spoke to her through the letterbox...See how she fucking likes it!
ReplyDeleteVery funny :-)
DeleteArab scientists have invented a time-travel device that can transport an entire country back to the middle ages.
ReplyDeleteThey're calling it 'Islam'.
A news reporter goes to see a Jewish man who has been going to the western wall in Israel to pray once a day for 70 years, the reporter goes up to him and says, "hello I'm a reporter for the BBC and we know you're quite famous around this wall so we were wondering if we could ask you a few questions." The man agrees and she asks, "so we were wondering; what have you actually been praying for all of these years?"
ReplyDeleteThe man replies, "I have been praying for peace between the Jews and Arabs and for all world hatred and terrorism to stop, and for my children and grandchildren to grown up in a peaceful world."
The news reporter says, "Wow that's truly beautiful, how do you feel after doing this for 70 years?"
The man replies, "I feel like I've been talking to a fucking brick wall."
An Arab buys a camel and he proudly decides to ride it around his local pub carpark, causing a bit of a stir with the local drinkers.
ReplyDelete"Nice camel mate," One of the drinkers commented, "Is it male or female?"
"It's female!" said the Arab.
"How can you tell?" said the drinker.
"Well," the Arab explained, "on the way here today, at least twenty people yelled out,'Hey, Look at the dirty, smelly cunt on that camel!"
Wael said;
ReplyDelete"But do morons and hillbillies like the ones here care? NOPE because people like that have set their mind on a certain idea and think they're right"
Like Muzzys, you mean?
Al-Saleem Al-Jahangirullah Ibn Faizoban begins.
ReplyDeleteEl Nawarez el shagriefeh al khwab, pis bin upon heem!
Shwaib-al-Khatm Biznessullah continues upon the matter at hand.Grottings! I cum in pis.
We are the saviour warriors of a wehld in al-grip of eh-fil. We practise the religion of pis. We have the hohleen Word (and SWord) of the one true All-Law, and that Word (SWord) was said (used) by Our Pro-(Epileptic)-Fit whose naam (pis bin upon heem) can-not bin Said (Sayeed). The Book's Name is unspoken, but the Name of that which is called the Name is Al-KRant, and the Word can bin said: "Mo' Bomb-Ehd." Notheen shall-ah exist, only our All-Law. He heem-self wrote it een blood, blood not his own, but of the men he joyfooly killed, men who did not want pis.
Ho'-Mine-Ee Kham-Al-Fackrullah begins to outline the traditional method of action impending.
His (pis be upon Heem!!...) method iss to SAND-WITCH the hed be-twain steel and paper, that is, between SWord and Word, or, between Holy Butcher's Knife and Holy Booker's Typ(h)e. (For infidullahs: the Holy Booker is Al-Krant. See, we're s-MARTYR than you.) The blood must drip when it is twilight at Maker, across the right thigh of the unbelieverullah on its way to the filthy ground, else More-Harm-Aired would not use it for writhing upon His Twilight Paper; also, if al-blud encounters sweat on such trajectory (our ancestors knew geometry, yours didn't), it is deemed PIGGLY, hence blasphemously abominable to writhe with. Pigs be upon heem who uses, for writing, the blood of a K-Fear spilt in this unnatural manner! But should the sweat be encountered but vaporise into Arabistan Air (we invented the airplane) while singing "All-Law! Ho, AK-47-Bar!" then it...
(Ho'-Mine-Ee Kham-Al-Fackrullah's camel is feeling stretched; she needs a rest. For more of the traditional Krapollah, visit friendly neighbur(kah)'hood Mad-Rush-Hour, but in these daze of ee-vehl, we shall use not his PIS, but his Pack-A-Sten-Nuke, or PUKE.)
Shwaib-al-Khatm Biznessullah, grandson of his most dealed granddad and grandson of his most veiled grandbag, takes over, refreshed, having breathed a-rape-ian air.
Thus we shall all-kill the traitors of His Piss and His Wise Dam. IZ-this-for-REEL? Their beards shall be used as fodder for the fire-ahm that burns them in their SIN-AGOGs! YOU S OF A or a B? (Me S of Pissfull Camel) All Law shall ficks them becoz they are obese like pigs! HIND-ers? With their scared cows they shall be herded to the hell for panty-ists! The best part: we shall ALL (ah!) die with strap-on BOMs, warring for Heem, and then this shall-hah-pen:
1. We shall all (ah!) have M-grade virgins (WHORE-EEs).
2. Our bags will dutifully clean up the blood as we do the virgins in (they would write with it if they could, but we didn't teach them).
3. All of y'all-ah shall be in pig's hell.
4. Earth shall finally be called ALL-LAW-STAN.
5. And Po' Mo': His Pis shall be upon heem!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHey.. This is sooo hilarious. I LOVE IT...
ReplyDeleteLiving in a country where majority are moslem like Indonesia, and small amount of terrorist living around and utilising their "brother" for the sake of moslem brotherhood, I found your jokes are correct.
They represent what happen to the moslem world.
Mazel tov, keep up a good work.
LOL!!
ReplyDeleteGreat stuff here, keep it going!!
I'll pass it on to my friends here. Screw those phedo and porkless creature!!
I was surprised how British Muslims reacted to the Danish cartoons. I thought: "How can you get this worked up about a cartoon?" But then I remembered how angry I was when they gave Scooby Doo a nephew.
ReplyDeleteMy new Muslim Girlfriend keeps talking about a blow-job.
ReplyDeleteI don’t know whether to get my cock out or to warn London transport..........
A guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll.
ReplyDeleteThe guy behind the counter says, "Male or female?"
The customer says, "Female"
The counter guy asks, "Black or white?"
The customer says, "White"
The counter guy asks, "Christian or Muslim?"
The customer says, "What the hell does religion have to do with it?"
The counter guy says, "The Muslim one blows itself up!"
I love great, hilarious. I'm printing these up and posting them around my office. Great jokes, keep 'em coming!
ReplyDeleteMuslim Television Guide
ReplyDelete------------------------
6.00: G-Had TV.
Morning prayers.
8.30: Talitubbies.
Talitubbies say "Eh-oh". Dipsy and Tinky-Winky repair a Stinger missile launcher.
9.00: Shouts of Praise.
More prayers.
10.00: The Apprentice.
Ten young Muslims complete a variety of tasks each week - one of them will be recruited by prominent Islamist leader Muqtada al-Sadr into a top position in the Mahdi Army.
11.00: Jihad's Army.
The Kandahar-on-Sea battalion repulse another attack by evil, imperialist, Zionist backed infidels.
12.00: Ready, Steady, Jihad!
Celebrities make lethal devices out of everyday objects.
12.30: Panoramadan.
The programme reports on America's attempts to take over the world.
13.30: Xena.
Modestly dressed housewife Xena stays at home and does some cooking.
14.00: Only Fools and Camels.
Dhal-Boy offloads some Chinese rocket launchers to Hamas.
14.30: Green Peter.
The total of Kalashnikovs bought by the milk bottle top appeal is revealed.
15.00: Madrasah Challenge.
Two more Islamic colleges meet. Bambah Kaskhain asks the questions. 'Starter for ten, no praying.'
15.30: I Love 629.
A look back at the events of the year, including the Prophet's entry into Mecca, and the destruction of pagan idols.
16.00: Question Time.
Members of the public face questions from political and religious leaders.
16.30: Countdown.
Can the American prisoners defuse the bomb in their cell before the timer runs down?
17.00: Koranation Street.
Deirdrie faces execution by stoning for adultery.
17.30: Middle-East Enders.
The entire cast is jailed for unislamic behaviour.
18.00: Holiday.
The team go on pilgrimage to Mecca. Again.
18.30: Top of the Prophets.
Will the Koran be No.1 for the 63,728th week running?
19.00: Who wants to be a Muhajadin?
Mahmoud Tarran asks the questions. Will contestants phone a mullah, go 'inshallah', or ask the Islamic council?
20.00: FILM: Shariah's Angels.
The three burkha-clad sleuths go undercover to expose an evil scheme to educate women.
21.30: Big Brother.
Who will be taken out of the house and executed this week?
22.00: Imam Ted.
Sitcom about three imams who live on a tiny island in the Persian Gulf. This week, Imam Dhuga'il accidentally burns down the mosque, while Imam Jakh is stoned to death for drinking alcohol.
22.30: Shahs in their Eyes.
More hopefuls imitate famous destroyers of the infidel.
23.30: They think it's Allah over.
Quiz culminating in the 'Don't feel the Mullah' round.
Midnight: When Imams Attack.
Amusing footage shot secretly in mosques. The filmers were also secretly shot.
00:.30: The West Bank Show.
Arts programme looking at anti-Israel graffiti art in the occupied territories.
01.30: Bhuffi the Infidel Slayer.
02.00: A book at bedtime.
The Koran. Again.
Arab scientists have invented a time-travel device that can transport an entire country back to the middle ages.
ReplyDeleteThey're calling it 'Islam'.
The next time you find yourself on a plane, sitting next to someone who cannot resist chattering to you endlessly, I urge you to quietly pull your laptop out of your bag, carefully open the screen (ensuring the irritating person next to you can see it), and hit this link
ReplyDeletehttp://www.thecleverest.com/countdown.swf
To Anonymous - You are completely brainwashed, completely ignorant and totally naive. What you have been taught in college are whitewashed lies about islam that are funded by rich saudi oil sheiks. "the "muslims" your talking about are doing something with their lives" SO true. Unfortunately you are STILL completely in the dark as to what that really is. Most of the people posting on this blog ARE NOT. THEY have been doing their research on the threat that islam poses to their lives and their futures. The racists and the bigots here are the ones who refuse to educate themselves about what islam and the koran REALLY teaches. islam is an extreme extremely hateful fascist ideology as well as a religion of pieces. Daniel Pearl had his body cut into ten pieces in pakistan by muslims. Do you know who Daniel Pearl is? Nick Berg? Theo Van Gogh? Did you know that since 9/11 there have been over 14,000 jihad attacks and counting all over the world? Do you know about the Hindu holocaust in which muslims slaughtered over 80 million Hindus and 10 million Buddhists? Why weren't you taught about this in college? You are blind to history and what islam and shari'ah law are really about. How fitting it is that islams symbol is a crescent moon. A little sliver of LIGHT reflecting off the moons face. This reminds me of your awareness regarding islam and the intelligence level of moon loons all around the imperiled free world. Turning a blind eye to islams anti-semitic teachings and all of it's victims is extremely racist. The muslims lie like their prayer rugs while all of their victims get swept under them. Google "TAQIYYA"
ReplyDeleteLOL!
ReplyDeleteA thread over three years long based on some Muslim jokes I told on my blog.
I got some more material:
How about this one?
"What's the shortest book in the world?"
Answer: Muslim war heroes.
Another?
"Did you hear about the new Egyptian tank?"
Answer: "Four gears for reverse and one gear forward (In case the IDF attacks from the rear).
A classic:
"What's the biggest mistake Iranian fighter pilots make when flying towards the U.S. fleet that controls the Persian Gulf and most of the airspace in the Middle East?"
Answer: They take off.
Sincerely, Ronbo*
*The proud owner of one E FATWA from British Muslims.
u are stupid and cannot be cured anymore.have a little respect towards other peoples' religions and they will do same to yours.u better remove your entry and should apologize to all Muslims
ReplyDeleteAfter it emerged that a man locked his daughter in a cellar for 24 years and inflicted beatings and rape, the world reacted with shock upon hearing the news. All except the muslim community who couldn't understand what all the fuss was about.
ReplyDeleteI got talking to my muslim neighbour for the first time today and when we exchanged names, he told me that he was offended because my Christian name (Clark) is popular in America.
ReplyDeleteSo, I promised him that I would change my name by Deed poll as a mark of respect.
I can't wait to tell him that I am now called Chris P. Bacon.
I was reading the paper this morning when I saw a piece about how 2 Muslim women had been barred from flying for refusing to have a full body scan. It says something like "the body scanners are a massive issue for many in the Muslim community."
ReplyDeleteYeh, because many in the Muslim community are afraid we'll find their fucking bombs.
I often wonder how Abu Hamza manages to wipe his arse.
ReplyDeleteThen I remember he's muslim... so he doesn't.
Many of the people commenting are either misinformed or they don't understand many things about Islam. Islam, boiled down to its purest form, was a tolerant, rational, and ethical religion - in the middle ages. However, it failed to "evolve" like other religions. Instead of adapting to new ideas, many Muslims choose to cling on to old traditions that are now meaningless, cruel, and intolerant. However, the religion in itself is not violent. In fact, like other religions, it condemns violence. However, many of the political and religious leaders in many Islamic countries try to warp the religion for selfish gains. By doing this, they are holding their countries in something close to a total dictatorship, and prevent progress - like in Orwell's classics - in order to keep total control of the country's inhabitants. Because of the lack of outside influences in a totalitarian state, the people living in these countries have no choice but to comply to the beliefs of their leaders, however irrational they may be.
ReplyDeleteMax,
ReplyDeleteThere are passages in the Koran which call for violence against Infidels and Jews, and there are other passages which call for peace.
But, the truth is, the Medinan (violent) verses abrogate the Meccan verses.
How can Muslims get offended at images of The Prophet Mohammed if they haven't got a fucking clue what he looks like in the first place?
ReplyDeleteHAHAHA!
ReplyDeleteThe world would be such a better place without Islam. I'm not saying it's going to be perfect, but at least better than this muslim infected world.
And to the Muslims who read this, I don't give a rat's ass what you think.
The mathematician Muhammad al-Khwarizmi did not “invent” algebra; the ancient Egyptians, Mesopotamians, Indians, Chinese and others had early forms of algebra; the most important pre-modern scholar was arguably Diophantus of Alexandria in the third century AD, and modern algebra was created in Europe.
ReplyDeleteWhy do they bury Muslims 100 feet underground? Because deep down they are nice people...
ReplyDeleteHappy Ramadan all you Muslims! ..wait, why the fuck are we sending food to Pakistan then?
ReplyDeleteThe killing of Dr Karen Woo in Afghanistan has today been described as "senseless".
ReplyDeletePacking up a very highly paid job with BUPA and going to work with the world's most ungrateful, backward people in a country rife with woman hating, anti-western terrorists does indeed seem a very "senseless" thing to do!
To the guy who said he's "Catholic"
ReplyDeleteyou sound an awful lot like a really irate muslim I read some where that its written in your holy book that its ok to lie?
and to the guy who said I was a Pig. I'd like you to know, I look nothing like your mother, even if I grew a mustache and pulled out most of my teeth. :(
so true yet so funny islam means i-slam
ReplyDeleteIt's all fantasy....would you be so pissed about jokes involving Santa or the tooth fairy? nope.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure the Koran is every bit as interesting as the bible to read, but then we all enjoy a bit of fiction.
Apparently Jedi is one of the most common entries in the "religion" box on census forms, I've seen starwars & If I was a betting man I'd put more money on that being truth based than all this supreme being crap!
If there was no religion there'd be no war, or at least a lot less of it.
And Muslims cause most of the ill feeling towards them by shoving their rediculous interpretation of the Koran Story in everyone's face. If you're living in a non-muslim country, quit all the dressing like ninja shit, stop moaning about the lack of mosques (and definately quit asking for government funding for them)and stop expecting everyone to change 1000s of years of culture, just because it offends your interpretation of a story book!
let the Crusades begin! this will never end, so lets go for it! I want to rid the world of the Koran loving stone throwing prehistoric asses before they kill our kids. get a clue, they will keep trying to kill anyone who is different then THEM, they are the intolorant ones! NOT the rest of teh human population! SO, lets wage war and see who wins. All of middle east can gladly be a parking lot.
ReplyDeleteRGB
AUSSIE SAYS. If you are from a muslim country and defected from your country so that you might enjoy the freedom of Australia, and its safe life. Then burn the burkas, stop poking your arse to the sky. treat women as women, join in with Australian culture and enjoy what we believe. If you came here to attempt to ram allah down Australian throats then you will find that Aussies Chew up allahs and spit them out in the dust, so then pack your burkas and and PISS off back where you came from, and live there with allah in the country you so hurriedly escaped from. Aussies don't need you.
ReplyDeleteAre your women so ugly that they must be kept completely hidden except for fleeting glimpses of their eyes? If so send them to an Aussie makeup shop and there they will do their very best to make them look beautiful, of course the muslim women would help the Aussie beauticians if the women could feel free enough to smile.
ReplyDeleteA Muslim walks into a mosque laughing.
ReplyDelete"What are you so happy about, Abdul?" Asks the Imam.
"Well I live by the railway and on my way home last night, I saw a young woman tied to the rails, like in American movies.
I cut her free and took her back to my house.
Allah be praised - I fucked her all night in every position permitted by Mohammed, Peace Be Upon Him!"
"You are blessed, says the imam.- was she as beautiful as a desert flower?"
Abdul smiled, I do not know - I never found her head."
Whats 10 feet long, white and wrapped around and around a lump of shit?
ReplyDeleteA turban.
Are you one of those poor souls that failed to get in on the Age of Aquarius and Enlightenment? Well don’t dwell on the past. Convert now to Islam and help usher in the New Dark Ages! Why should you miss out on all the fun when you can join in on street corner executions, medieval punishments, whippings, weekly be-headings, and spontaneous stoning parties. And here's a big plus for all you guys...relationship problems will be a thing of the past. Muslim women love beatings and quickly learn to keep you happy at all costs.
ReplyDeleteRemember those embarrassing court ordered anger management courses; well worry no more because under sharia law anything goes!
Get angry at anything and everything, even imaginary slights. You can blow up at the slightest provocation, figuratively or literally, your choice and what other religion trains you in handling explosives and building detonators from everyday objects like cell phones. Sign up now or just drop by our next bomb workshop and meet some of the boys.
Get in on the ground floor of this zany cult before all the good targets are destroyed. Boom, boom, boom, let's go back to my room! Ooops, too late! Act now and call your local asylum, I mean mosque, for more information.
Amazing thread, I loved it...Especially the comments posted by those so-called "Tolerant catholics". Muzzies suck !!
ReplyDeleteI don't know if there is a god. But i know that both muslims and christians and muslims happily marry their first cousins! Stinking rouges! And then you claim religions have scientific bases.
ReplyDeleteYour spelled TOLERANT wrong, but I'll tolerate you anyway.
ReplyDeleteThe Bible says 'Jesus is the Son of God'
ReplyDeleteThe Quran says 'Prophet Muhammed is the Messiah or Messenger of god'
The Bhagvagita says 'Krishna is God'
Allah complains to the US Supreme Court that the makers of Star Trek are racist because there are Scots, Irish, French, Russian, American, Chinese, Japanese, English, Klingon, Vulcan and all manner of other fantasy aliens but no muslims appear on any of the programs or in any of the spin off series.
ReplyDeleteThe Supreme Court dismissed the claim because as the program was set in the future, there being no muslims was the only part of the program that was plausible.
amazing comments from non muslims.. i loved it..
ReplyDeleteno serious question to the Muslims reading these comments.,
ReplyDeleteThis is true! an american soldier handing out candy to young Iranian Muslim children, is approached by a suicide bomber who detonates his bomb killing himself the soldier and twelve Muslim children! for this horrendous act he believes he will attain paradise, and seventy two virgins. etcetera
my question to Muslims is this. If I eat a sausage sandwich, Will I burn in Hell?
I was at a set of traffic lights and next to me was a car full of Muslims.
ReplyDeleteAll of a sudden a huge truck cam through and ran straight over the car next to me and killed all 5.
I said "shit that could have easily been me".
So I went out next day and got a truck license.
True story.
ReplyDeleteThe Saudi King invited this dumabass American president to a beheading.
The dumbass asked why the guy was getting his head chopped off.
Was told it was for apostasy.
The dumbass remembered this was not good, something about American principles, and not in accourdance with American policy. The dumbass felt obligated to say something.
"Ya knaw king, what we do in tha states is stick'em in a colony and leav'em alone. Shewt dawg man, can't help picking up a skin disease."
There WERE Muslims in Star Trek.
ReplyDeleteThey were call the "Borg" - that lifeless mass of excrement that wasn't satisfied until the whole universe merged into it, stanking up its black, empty core.
A zombie escaped from a prison in Afghanistan, attacked a Muslim family and ate 50 year old Mohammed.
ReplyDeleteBefore American forces could trace the zombie, the zombie became a Muslim; married Mohammed’s 6 year old daughter and stoned one of Mohammed’s wife for adultery.
American forces were too late and could not rescue the zombie.
haha awsome good work keep it coming :D
ReplyDelete"You fucking cunt. You'll get what's coming to you"
ReplyDeleteI hope that was aimed at me I've just put in for my tax rebate. If not then it was an absolutely? woeful comeback.
http://thefalseprophet.co.in/2012/12/14/mohammeds-litmus-test/
ReplyDeleteQ: WHAT IS DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A MUSLIM AND A WEREWOLF ?
ReplyDeleteA: A WEREWOLF IS A MAN WHO BECOMES A WOLF ON SOME OCCASION.
A MUSLIM IS A WOLF WHO HUMANIZES ON SOME SPECIAL OCCASIONS.
I live in a country where Islam is the official religion, the way they impose their beliefs onto non muslims is really bad and it is getting worst.
ReplyDeleteI'm very sorry to hear that my friend.
ReplyDeleteim muslem and im proud of that and this true muslem are stuped but why ? one thing lett muslem stuped because we respect fucking sick pepols how number 1234... is arabic man how do algber arabic man how have all world in his haind for 5 years muslem man how have original know his history but just one thing i still dont understand we respect all relegion and we never say bad about jesus or any prophet and we never smill about stuped christain how them vatican do them like bitches why all afraid islam and dont respect him
ReplyDeleteyou wait that i say i will kill you ?but i will say allah akbar and he will be do for you waht you must have
Why would killing even come up in response to jokes, you stupid cum-guzzling scum.
ReplyDeletefunny, the thinking that if i blow myself up allahakbar goin to give me virgins in heaven
ReplyDeleteMohammed and his followers are fucking retards. allah the moon God sucks hairy cock and balls.
ReplyDeleteI don't always drink camel piss, but when I do, I'm a fucking wife beater. Stay thirsty my Muslims.
ReplyDelete