I would suggest to women that, before they attempt to change the behaviors of men, they might want to take a serious, introspective look at the large body of evidence, against the female species, that is Women's Erotica.
Men would not grab pussies, and grab asses, and make dumb "David Cop-A-Feel" jokes, if it did not work.
Women want men who are aggressive, and audacious, and even a little scandalous. Women are turned on by these kind of men.
Women want men to "come on" to them, to make the first move. And, as Women's Erotica teaches us, women want men to "overcome" them, to overwhelm their senses, and their being.
However, what works for one man with one woman, will not work for another man with the same woman. And much of the problem between the sexes has it's origin in men misreading women's signals. Some men are better than others at this ability to "read". And some women are better at throwing off these signals. And some women throw off conflicting signals, as they may want one man, while, at the same time, wanting attention from all men, or most men.
Additionally, it is a fact that some men observe that other men can get away with these kinds of behaviors with some women (even when they can not), and then, the more callous of these men will take it as their mission to find which women will accept their advances by trying such maneuvers on every woman they meet. Or at least, on every woman they meet whom they desire.
So, in other words, I suspect that much of the problem with regards to the "bad" behavior of men, lies not in the behavior itself, but in the fact that many men can not read signals, or don't even bother trying, and thus make a habit of making advances on women which are deemed to be overly aggressive, overly audacious, and overly scandalous.
And because these advances were unwanted in the first place, and because they are plentiful and fit a pattern of behavior, they are deemed to be rapacious, when in fact, they are, often, the work of callous individuals, who don't even begin to understand the interplay of subliminal mind-to-mind interaction, communicated through subtle physical cues, implying consent, and request, sometimes intermingled with feigned gestures of rejection just to spice things up.
I mean, how are we going to fix this people.
Does "No means No" suffice?
OH, BY THE WAY:
Add into the mix the very nature of those seeking "Stardom" in HOLLYWOOD. Attention whores...the lot. "Acting" is their mode of operation. Try and read those signals with any degree of confidence.
ReplyDeleteThis is an excellent analysis of a very real situation. But the present-day scandal is compounded by the element of being a predator in the presence of women in conditions of dependence or those intimidated in the presence of powerful men who have the power of life of death (figuratively) in their careers. Granted, at the sight of the naked guy there was only one answer. Say to hell with my career, turn around and leave. But it is there where the power of the predator resides. Like the dear in the light, they make a bad decision, and that is that.
ReplyDeleteAs for the common man making wrong decisions regarding women, I agree that the message system in women can be somewhat damaged, sending the wrong signals. It's a confusing area of human interaction ...
Anon 1: "Try and read those signals with any degree of confidence." This may be true with men of a "lesser" status, but with men as powerful as Weinstein, there is no room for reading signals. They know what they have to offer, and there is a price to pay. Women pay it, even though reluctant, and then they have their own personal price to pay: self-loathing, insecurities, regret, etc. Not a pretty picture overall. Quite disgusting.
ReplyDelete"...the present-day scandal is compounded by the element of being a predator in the presence of women in conditions of dependence or those intimidated in the presence of powerful men who have the power of life of death (figuratively) in their careers."
ReplyDeleteYes, it is. I certainly am not denying that dynamic.
But even with someone like Ashley Judd, who did apparently give in to Weinstein, we have a women who is playing a sexual dynamic. And there are women who get off on the dynamic, just as much as the individual.
They are called Prostitutes. Or at least, they are the best of Prostitutes. The High-Class Hookers.
Well, errr... and there is the time I was bent over a medicine cart in a hallway and a doctor came by and grabbed my breast as he went by whistling a tune. Now that is an ambush. Ladies don't like to be ambushed. They want to be courted.
ReplyDeleteRegarding Weinstein, he is an absolute pig who received the occasional truffle that rewarded his bad behavior. Not sure why not even one woman did not choose to cold cock him with a lamp and then call the police to file a charge. Hit him hard enough to break his nose and black his eyes for his mugshot. Yeah. I talk big.
But it is a complex dynamic and yet I think Weinstein was a powerful lout who knew perfectly well that his power afforded him the ability to sexually humiliate women.
Great post, Pasto.
An Anonymous commenter left the following and then either deleted it, or for some reason, his comment was blocked:
ReplyDeleteNot so much connected to the current Sex Scandals, though one could very well argue that it simply cannot be fixed because it is part of human nature.
Hybristophilia whether mild or very extreme is also a little known part of female nature (if female erotic literature is any indication), yet at the same time today's laws make it very difficult for men to take the initiative without having one's livelihood and reputation destroyed should the opposite sex instinctively deem such men to be unattractive / low value and thus viewed as being unable to protect women or their own offspring. - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hybristophilia
Another problem is that while society has always been gynocentric in one form or another. Many men once had a decent grasp of female nature and were thus largely able to read indirect / non-verbal indicators of interest or disinterest, however for some reason (allegedly beginning as early as the Romantic Era) such knowledge largely fell into disuse because fathers / male role models mostly either did not or were unable to pass on their insight to the next generations (generations being raised by single mothers hardly helps either).
As a result of many men are now in a tragic position because they have little to no understanding of female nature where they could at least have some ability to read indirect / non-verbal indicators of interest (with the exception of those who are beginning to rediscover what men of yore once knew regarding female nature), with society itself even feeding them BS all their lives on the notion that men and women are the same instead of acknowledging the differences between the sexes.
The lies society peddles to men largely becomes undone as the latter starts noticing the hypocrisy between the words and actions of the opposite sex (with men understandably seeking to emulate the actions of successful men), however such men by virtue of being unable to properly read the opposite sex are not immune from falling victim
Regardless many men are now increasingly going their own way given the risks and embracing the wonders technology or other means to serve as adequate substitutes, to the detriment of birth-rates let alone the institution of marriage (even the Muslim world apparently appears to feeling the effects so it is not all negative).
Whether the average Joe or high-status Alpha men, when it comes to the opposite sex you always end up paying.
TLEP,
ReplyDeleteI agree that Weinstein is probably simply a pig who recognized he could use his power to get what he wanted out of women.
I think he is also into humiliation, because his behavior certainly OUGHT to be humiliating to any man. If you have heard the tape of him begging that one model, "Just stay here with me. If you leave, it will be personally embarrassing to me. I will never forgive you. I want you to watch me take a shower."
Certainly a man who looks like him couldn't believe any woman would want to watch him take a shower. That would never be a prelude to sex with a woman who already doesn't want him.
Thus, I think he gets off on putting himself in humiliating positions.
I think that is part of his problem.
Probably true, Pasto.
ReplyDeleteThe man was probably a premature eJack - hence his need for "wham, bam, thank you Ma'am" sex scenarios. Perhaps his personal humiliation in the past fueled the need to replicate the scenario as a means of reminding him of his own short (no pun intended) comings, and vindication against those who would consider sexual prowess the primary lever in relationship.
Psychobabble aside, Weinstein is one mean son of a bitch. Who "does that" to women? The whole shower thing was a test. The woman who would join him in the shower, would get the coveted role.
Pasto,
ReplyDeleteWomen want men who are aggressive, and audacious, and even a little scandalous. Women are turned on by these kind of men.
To a certain extent, that is true of my generation. I'm not sure about the present generation, though.
In my own case, I have always wanted a man who is aggressive and a little scandalous, but only within certain limits.
Couldn't find a clip, but "Hell or High Water" has this great scene with Ben Foster and a hotel desk clerk. "When you are in a nursing home one day you will giggle when you remember me...."
ReplyDeletehttps://4.bp.blogspot.com/-fegxAVy5Cjg/WEWRKRxDfAI/AAAAAAAIFQU/GhVXY-qHw-w5G4eCSqtGF2X19EWhY5gFQCLcB/s320/020%2BAlma%2BSisneros%2Bas%2BCasino%2BDesk%2BClerk.jpg
Absolutely fun movie! Good dialogue, great casting, and action which does not overwhelm the senses.
AOW,
ReplyDeleteYes, I get it. All women have their limits. Well, most.
Also, there is a huge discrepancy between the woman's real world limits and the limits of her imagination. Many women want a man who appears much worse than he is, so they have the fantasy in bed, and the reality on a day to day basis.
Another thing, and this was one of the hardest lessons for me to learn about women, women are the last people to ask, if you want to find out what women want.
ReplyDeleteWomen lie to themselves about what they want.
And they lie to others even more.
I never lie about chocolate....
ReplyDelete:)
ReplyDelete