'cookieChoices = {};'


"Anyone can act presidential. "
It's a lot harder to do what I do.
Trump

click.jpg

Thursday, August 22, 2013

BREAKING NEWS: BLACK PEOPLE AND REDNECKS MOST LIKELY TO WIND UP IN E.R. BECAUSE OF "HEAVY DRINKING"


That's WAAAHHHHCIST!

From Newsmax:
"Recent studies reveal that nearly a third of injury visits to Level I trauma centers were alcohol-related and frequently a result of heavy drinking," lead study author David Jernigan, director of The Center on Alcohol Marketing and Youth (CAMY) at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health, said in a press release. 
Of the patients who said they drank alcohol, 15 percent admitted to drinking Budweiser beer.  
Nationally, 9.1 percent of Americans drink the brand, the authors noted.
Budweiser has an alcohol content of 5 percent. 
The next most prevalent alcoholic beverage among patients – 14.7 percent – was the malt liquor Steel Reserve. 
Steel Reserve makes up 0.8 percent of the U.S. beer market, and contains 8.1 percent alcohol content, according to CBS. 
The other most popular beers were Colt 45, Bud Ice, and Bud Light. 
I've got a question. I had never even HEARD of Steel Reserve. It's a Malt Liquor, so I assumed it's a beverage preferred by Black Gentleman.

But, if you Google it, all the people drinking it are white ... even if you add the words "black guy" to the search.

Do white guys drink this beer? Has anyone known anyone who does drink this beer? How out of it am I?

I mean, as everyone knows, Jack Daniels is the official beverage of the IBA Special Olympics.

But I digress.

I like what Urban Dictionary has to say about Steel Reserve:

Steel Reserve is an intoxicationg liquid customarily found in 22 oz cans and in the value-packed 40 oz glass bottles. Now, normally I'd be compelled to use the word "beer", but that's not going to cut the mustard. This is a HIGH GRAVITY LAGER. That's what they say. After drinking this, you'll feel like someone increased the Earth's gravity field by 70%. Don't get me wrong, it's hands down the best bang for your drinking dollar... but you'll probably get arrested if you drink more than a forty ouncer. So be careful! I have hallucinated and time travelled under the influence of steel reserve.
After I drank a couple of forties of STEEL RESERVE I felt brave enough to fight a cop! And the cop felt brave enough to Taser me till I shit my pants.
And then, there's this: 
Steel Reserve is a low-quality, low-prestige, low-dignity malt beverage. Purchasing Steel Reserve is often an act of desperation by would-be drinkers in times of economic hardship. Aside from drinking cleaning solvents, Steel Reserve is perhaps the cheapest possible way to exit this reality. Its combination of astonishingly low price and extraordinarily high alcohol content has made it popular among both bums and young people. 
Once only available in the darkest corners of the hood, Steel Reserve can now be found in supermarkets, liquor stores, and lying sideways next to unconscious transients all across America. Although notably foul tasting, this is a drink that will take you where you want to go (quickly and cheaply). At $.99 a tallboy, I find it possible to get drunk on the amount of change found under the couch, without even having to look in my car’s ashtray. 
The Steel Reserve logo is a stylized number 211, which aside from being an ancient symbol for steel, is also the penal code # for armed robbery. It’s likely that steel reserve has been the inspiration for many a convenience store jacking. Poor judgment and personal injury are notoriously correlated with the consumption of Steel Reserve. The drink’s harsh flavor effectively masks the high alcohol content, leaving the drinker confused as to how much he has actually consumed. Even experienced drinkers get into trouble when partying with the 2-1-1.
Dude1: “Man, you look like shit, what happened to your face?”
Dude2: “I hit up the Steel Reserve last night.”
Dude1: “ah” *nods in understanding* (as if no further explanation is needed) 
OBVIOUSLY, THIS SHIT IS MYTHIC!

Ok, Steel Reserve is OFFICIALLY MYTHIC!

The Ramones recorded a commercial for Steel Reserve way back whenever:


Bookmark and Share
posted by Pastorius at permanent link#

3 Comments:

Blogger Pastorius said...

By the way, I thought IBA was a counter-Jihad site.

Thursday, August 22, 2013 6:07:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And The Ramones recorded advertising jingles for Steel Reserve back in the day.

Thursday, August 22, 2013 7:45:00 pm  
Blogger Pastorius said...

That is awesome.

Thanks.

I might have to start drinking again, just so I can get wasted on Steel Reserve.

Thursday, August 22, 2013 8:33:00 pm  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home


Older Posts Newer Posts