The Hidden Imam Chickens Out

Damn, that Redneck Texan is a good writer:


Well it looks like the 12th Imam is a no-show.....damn.

There were some initial reports that he briefly emerged from the well in Samarra and walked among the adoring throngs, but he kept muttering "what is that fuckin smell". He was amazed by the automobiles in the streets and mesmerized by a television in the shop windows, then he noticed the throngs of followers appeared to be talking into a handheld device. He asked one of the men to let him listen, and as he heard the voice on the other end, he just smiled and said "It's really great to see that modern Islamic society has invented all this cool shit".

But then a dejected looking follower told him "well, not exactly Imam, all the advancements you see were invented by infidels, they have had them a long time, and we are only recently starting to get our hands on their technology".

"But looking around at all this new infrastructure, Islamic society must have become very productive since I left" the Imam stated.

Well "not exactly" replied the follower, you see the infidels discovered what they called oil deep underneath our sands, and then they invested years and billions of dinars into equipment and facilities to get it out of the ground.....then we stole it from them".

"Oh, I see" said the Imam....

"was it also the infidels that made you cover your women from head to toe?"

"No your eminence", replied the faithful Muslim, "the infidels actually allow their women to walk around showing their cleavage, we follow strict Islamic rules here, and keep them covered in accordance with Islamic values"

"Who told you that shit" asked the Imam, "did you ever see Mohammed's harem?"

But no sooner had the Imam spoken the ground started shaking, and the Imam looked up in the sky and seen a formation of F-16s screamin by overhead.

"What to fuck was that" asked a clearly startled Imam.

"Thats the Infidels' fighter jets" said the follower, "they fly around and drop bombs on our Islamic brothers""Why would they do that" asked the Imam, "because we stole their oil and technology?"

"Not exactly" said the follower, "its a long story really, you see we used to have a brutal dictator here up until a few years ago, and then the infidels came and liberated us from his oppression, but then they screwed up and allowed us to vote for some new leaders that our Mullahs recommended. And now that he is gone and we are free, we use the infidels cell phones to set off explosions beside the road when they drive by, or we take those automobiles of theirs and pack them full of explosives and run into crowds and set them off to see how many of our fellow Muslims we can kill. We also constantly try to blow up that oil infrastructure, and the power plants they built to make our life so much better. Then we blame it all on them for not providing sufficient security."

"You're fuckin kiddin me, right" said the confused Imam. "Take me back to my cave dumbass, I can see you idiots are not ready for peace....and stop throwin shit down my well".