I can't get to the original so I'll cite as far back as the links take me.
Thanks, Ro!
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists,Marxists, and Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know, we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but, sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot, and will not ever agree on what is right, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile, chalk it up to irreconcilable differences, and go our own way.
Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.
We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.)
We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies, and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's, and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.
You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks, and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security. We'll keep ourJudeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. But we will no longer be paying the bill.
We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find. You can give everyone health care, if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe health care is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum By Ya,or We Are the World.
We'll practice trickle down economics, and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you we'll keep our history, our name, and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots, and if you do not agree, just hit delete.
In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.
Sincerely,John J. Wall.
Law Student and an American
P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda
6 comments:
count me in, but the thing is,.... youll find all kinds of conservatives who are fed up and ready for this arangement but, deap down the liberal leaches know they cant make a go of it without us. youll get less of them to sign on to this.
Ah, if it were only that easy.
I work in the entertainment industry. And, of course, they would tell us we have to keep the homeless and the other degenerates, because our system created them.
It would get very messy.
But, it is funny.
:)
MR-Any way to check this out:
... there is a silent move by legislators to make it law that gun owners must carry -not guns- but- a $1,000,000.00 liability insurance policy to own a gun!....
C-CS
and -the vehicle license chip--gun owners are mentioned in the article as being concerned about tracking at gun shows etc.
http://carolmsblog.blogspot.com/2009/03/tracking-chips-for-your-drivers-license.html
C-CS
Hi CS -- sorry for the delayed response.
The only thing I have found on the $1,000,000 liability issue is it was introduced in Illinois on Feb 20. But only for Illinois, not nationwide. And that after a search at the NRA site (NRA.org or NRA-ILA.org for legislative actions under way)
The other thing I found last week and commented at Rusteister's Alehouse was this, very telling if Pelosi truly feels this way:
Pelosi throws cold water on weapons ban
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi tossed cold water on the prospect of reinstating the assault weapons ban, highlighting Democrats’ reluctance to take on gun issues.
Attorney General Eric Holder raised the prospect Wednesday that the administration would push to bring back the ban. But Pelosi (D-Calif.) indicated on Thursday that he never talked to her. The Speaker gave a flat “no” when asked if she had talked to administration officials about the ban.
“On that score, I think we need to enforce the laws we have right now,” Pelosi said at her weekly news conference. “I think it's clear the Bush administration didn’t do that.”
full piece here:
http://thehill.com/leading-the-news/pelosi-tosses-cold-water-on-reviving-assault-weapon-ban-2009-02-26.html
Now if that's true it may mean we have some reprieve for awhile, maybe until 2010 before they move on it. But I'm certainly not counting on it.
Divorce Agreement
Dear American conservatives, rightists, reactionaries, fascists and Republican supporters, et al:
We liberals would prefer to stick with our family values and work things out rather than go through a divorce based on irreconcilable differences. We always believe things can be worked out (music fade in......"We are the World, We are the Children", and "Imagine"...music fade out).
However, we know you conservatives change partners as fast as televangelists change wives. We understand that you are just remaining true to your American Revolutionary spirit.
We liberals may have our heads in the clouds, but fortunately (for us) and unfortunately (for you), we have the lion's share of the lawyers. Now lawyers are tricky devils, and they tell me you forgot to divide some rather important property. Should you agree to the following, I'm sure our divorce will be fair and amicable and we won't put up too much of a fuss:
First:
We’ll take all the scientists that belong to the National Academy of Sciences, and you can take the states most affected by global warming or as some of you like to say "climate change".
Second:
You take high gasoline prices and mega houses, and we’ll take electric cars, solar panels, and wind mills. We'll put up with some short term sacrifices so that so we aren't supporting the mega rich oil nations that are bent on our destruction. You can continue to do business with the House of Saud.
Third:
We’ll take the open source programmers, and the other denizens of Silicon Valley, and you can take the graduates of Bob Jones University who believe man walked with dinosaurs. Of course, you won’t have any vaccines or antibiotics for infectious diseases since those medicines are developed solely on the theory of evolutionary biology, but we’ll cede to you the “laying on of hands” for your medical R&D. And let us not forget that your conservative legislators can just pass laws against viruses or bacterium. Wow, conservatives really do have a comprehensive medical plan!
Fourth:
We’ll take NPR any day over Rush Limbaugh and his illegal drug habit. By the way, you'll be glad you kept your SUVs since you will need one to fit him into – maybe two. Just don't forget his "stash". He gets testy without it.
Fifth:
Remember that Universal Health Care is our baby. We sincerely hope you will find a job that will give you health care or hasn’t been shipped overseas.
Sixth:
I don’t think you can take all of the Armed Forces. Colin Powell and the other Obama supporters in the Armed Forces will probably come with us. Of course we're happy to let you have Hurricane Katrina, while we keep the Navy Seals that took out the Somali pirates.
Seventh:
I predict that when we take all the “liberal Hollywood producers”, you’ll find a number of conservatives who crossover to see their favorite TV programs or big budget films. TV and movies made by conservatives don’t play so well with the masses, liberal or conservative. I'll bet more time is spent by conservatives watching TV and movies than reading the Bible and going to church.
Please speak with our lawyers if this is amenable to you. We're out saving the whales right now.
P.S. Oh, and please take Bernie Madoff and AIG with you. Both flourished under Bush, Inc. They’ll feel right at home with you guys.
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