Please America, Take Meghan Markle Back

Please America, take Meghan Markle back

The great triumph of recent American politics is for the people of your fine country to have elected as president a man who is the precise embodiment of what supercilious Europeans think Americans are really like. Pig-ignorant, arrogant, jingoistic, contemptuous of foreigners, loud-mouthed, badly dressed and irredeemably bumptious. 

So consuming is the European antipathy toward Donald Trump — he’s never read a book! He eats steak with ketchup! — that it afflicts leading politicians across our continent, people who would be better advised to button it a while and show a little bit of diplomacy to the leader of the free world. But they can’t: the contempt always bleeds through. 

This is one reason why I have a little bit of time for this gift you Americans have bestowed upon the world, Mr Trump. He enrages the liberal cretinati — in other words, all the right people. 

And I sincerely hope you elect him once again. 

There are other gifts you have given us which, frankly, I would much rather had been FedExed to the other side of the world as the consequence of some human error or computer glitch. Pre-eminent among these is Meghan Markle. Thank you very much for the thought — but would you now please take her back? 

We’ve had enough and the maintenance charges impinge heavily upon such a small satrapy as the UK. We will of course chip in for the flights — by private jet, naturally, although Elton John will personally pay for the carbon offset. 

Markle is a nightmare. ... what Meghan has done is drag with her, across the Atlantic, a garbage truck full of the most emetic US wokeness and deposited it on our front lawns. She has brought with her the infantile identity politics of Hollywood and US campuses, with all its non sequiturs, its bizarre obsessions, its mutual contradictions and its self-evident hypocrisies.