Saturday, May 31, 2008

Superior Carbon Neutral Humans Discovered

Truly transcendent satire from Kevin at the Amboy Times:





Hat tip, BBC.


Deep in the thickest forest of the Amazon region of Brazil, scientists have discovered a small commune that is completely carbon neutral.



"It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen" said noted greenologist Dr Kermit Goretree. "They produce no carbon emissions of any kind, their love of the planet is complete. At first we thought they were just hippies, but they were much too clean and the whole village is devoid of volkswagens and lavalamps".



Goretree went on excitedly, "They are totally committed to the earth, we registered the entire village as a 0.000002 on the pollutometer. That's a lower Co2 rating than the flatulence of a typical field mouse. We believe that all their foods are organic, possibly vegan, but there's just not enough evidence to confirm that at this time. They are definitely off grid, as far as we know none of them even has an email address".



The tribe has apparently put a ban on all guns.



"They are probably pacifists. There were no signs of military might. There are no flags on even street names, it's just like they listened to John Lennon's Imagine and really got it, y'know?"



Go here to read the whole thing.

9 comments:

Damien said...

Now this is funny.

Always On Watch said...

When Kevin gets wound up, he can reallly fire off some great satire.

And don't miss his "The List of Things That Offend Muslims". Kevin keeps the list updated, too.

Pastorius,
I'm sure that we can make good use of that list in the near future.

Anonymous said...

Carbon Neutral? Reminds me . . .Check this out....



Watch Penn and Teller manage to convince hundreds of leftists to sign a . . .petition to ban dihydrogen monoxide (aka H2O - water).

kevin said...

Thanks for the linkage.

Athos said...

"They are probably pacifists. There were no signs of military might. There are no flags on even street names, it's just like they listened to John Lennon's Imagine and really got it, y'know?"

LOL. Once again the Rousseau-esque myth of the noble savage shows itself as a platform of multicultural blather. The photo sure does look pacifist ...

I offer a primer on paganism á la René Girard.

Pastorius said...

Kevin,
Actually, I forgot to give you the link, and for that I offer my sincere apology.

I will fix that right now.

kevin said...

No need to apologize. I was getting traffic from here yesterday, so I thought it was linked.

Anonymous said...

I guess the ultimate goal in life is to live in a state of absoulte poverty until the ripe old age of 32.

Is there anything we won't romantisize?

Pastorius said...

Never trust anyone over 30.