Where Are Our Manners?

A couple years ago our company mandated everyone attend a “sensitivity” workshop they were giving. So that we all would know the “proper” way to treat and address each other, whether it is in the office or talking to customers in the field.

Turns out I’m a sensitivity class’s politically incorrect nightmare. Who knew?

Apparently I am not to address a woman as “my dear” or “lady”. I should Treat them as my equal, nevermind that they are better than us men in so many ways. Not refer to a man as “Friend” or “good sir”. No no, none of that. It’s demeaning. Patronizing.

Two years on and a lifetime habit hasn’t changed and I haven’t been bitten for it, either.

I freely admit I am a womanizer, a flirt, a schmoozer. And, if the lady is so inclined, not afraid of bawdy conversation. But not a philanderer. It ends before I leave the bar, so to speak.

And I treat men with equal regard. And will continue to do so until you cross me or otherwise give me reason to stop.

Leaving the politically correct argument aside, it seems to me that in America (can’t speak for other Western countries since I haven’t been there) we have abandoned a basic sense of decency, civility and courtesy toward each other in our everyday walkabout lives. Not everyone, of course, but many. There’s a sense of gallantry fading since the 60’s or so.

How many will stop and hold a door for someone, even if it means waiting 15 or 20 seconds, and stand aside to let the other go first?

How many will go out of their way to open a door for someone, whether they need the help or not?

How many men still remove their hats in a building?

How many will tip that hat to a lady?

How many will give a slight bow when opening that door, or when saying after you or when greeting somebody?

How about a firm handshake, automatically, when running into someone whether friend or acquaintance?

Allow someone with a bigger load and a crying kid to step in front of you in line, though it may delay you an extra 10 minutes?

How about a drive in window or with a waitress, May I have a Cheeseburger, fries and coffee? instead of Gimme a cheeseburger, fries and coffee. Who would you rather deal with?

Try Thank you and have a good afternoon once in awhile.

Personally I do all of the above, and more. Even in comments here or emails with many of you. And Christian Soldier or In Mary’s Image or AoW or Ro or anyone else have never blasted me for refering to them as Milady.

To me there is nothing wrong with addressing someone as Good Sir or Kind Sir or My Good or Dear Fellow. Or Friend. Mr. C. Or Mr. Smith. Emphasis on the Mr.

Nothing wrong with addressing a woman as Lady, My Dear, Milady ,Miss, Ma’am love of my life (got to be a little more careful with that one, use only in a casual situation). Offering to carry a bag or box. Offering a hand when they are stepping out of a car.

Nothing wrong with showing them deference, behaving as though that. at a certain level, you will be happy to be at their service. And I’ve gotten more hugs for it.

It’s a kindness, a gentility, a sense of respect and courtesy, we have abandoned to our great detriment.

It’s a way of conducting and carrying yourself.

And, you know, at least at my office I’ve noticed others starting to do the same although I don’t think they realize it.

You won’t see that kind of deference in the Islamic nations. A man bowing to a woman in Pakistan? Kissing her hand upon greeting her? Horrors!

(yes, I still do that, too)(it was the first thing I did when I first met the lady who would become my wife)

Make a flattering comment about someone’s new hairstyle or outfit? Telling someone they look nice? Sorry. I do it. So sue me. (In Iran: Hey babe, that’s a beautiful burqa you got there? This old thing? I’ve been wearing it everyday for years.)

It’s the kind of thing that leads to protocol gaffes like we’ve seen from Obama toward our allies. The man is slick and maybe smooth but has no real courtesy toward others. It’s why our politics have become such a circus, why we scream at each other instead of debating an issue, why we feel it’s okay to spit on a returning serviceman, protest at the funeral of a fallen hero, look for the worst in someone suddenly thrust into the spotlight (think Joe the Plumber) or trash a President for personal indiscretions.

My own flamboyant behavior is taken to extremes. It’s the show off in me. But why can't we return to a time where we treat each other a little better. Maybe then we could sit down across from each other and have a decent discussion instead of a shouting match where all that’s accomplished is epithets thrown back and forth and hard feelings that will already color the next discussion before it even begins.

I don't mind being called an Ugly American. Sorta proud of it. I do object to being a rude one.

If we’re to again come together as a society we need to start treating each other civilly.

OK. Rant over. Talk amongst yourselves. Nicely.

Maybe we should all learn to Tango. . .

We should restore the practice of dueling. It might improve manners around here. --Ed Abbey