U.S. — New research has discovered that women will throw their support behind any cause, no matter how violent and sexist, as long as they get to wear a scarf.
"So, let me get this straight: this cause treats women as property, believes raping women an acceptable form of violence, and vows to murder innocent civilians - but I get to wear a scarf?" asked local college student Danielle Walker. "That sounds amazing! Sign me up!"
Though researchers had posited that women would be turned off to a cause where men take videos of themselves butchering children, they were surprised to find all hesitation instantly dissipated with the chance to wear a scarf. "We really underestimated the power of a scarf," said lead researcher Dr. Stephen Donaldson. "We could explain in graphic detail how this cause was hellbent on stripping women of basic freedoms, and they were totally on board so long as they could wear a scarf. They really, really like scarves."
All of us, every single man, woman, and child on the face of the Earth were born with the same unalienable rights; to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. And, if the governments of the world can't get that through their thick skulls, then, regime change will be necessary.
Saturday, May 11, 2024
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