Thursday, February 05, 2009

Paean to Mohammed (with Exploding Bacon™)

Cross-posted at Tasty Infidelicacies


Oh yeah, time for some celebratory pork and southern gospel music celebrating, if for no other reason than that it's hump day. What to rant about....as if I needed a good reason to rant. (Not the usual "Mary-pick-up-the-towels-and-put-them-in-the-wash, NOW!" Darned irksome Middle Child rant)

Here it is:

I am officially tired of the whining and bitching of Perpetually Offended, Outraged People™. Also Known as Muslims.

In fact, I am tired of the barren and rotted soul of Islam, pushy pushy Islam. Time to lighten up and get a catchy tune in my head to drive out all the blecccch of Islam: Here's one written especially for Mohammed. A real tribute. It could have been written for anyone, I suppose, but after learning all the icky things about the Vile Prophet of Allah, well, I need heavy grade sandpaper just to remove the filthy lies that have tainted me for the last 8 years. Enjoy this ditty by Susan Ashton. Tap your toes, if you must, and shake those hips, too. The bacon is a plus.


Crooked Man - Susan Ashton


So cold - touch his heart and there's a chance you could freeze
Steel soul - keep your distance or be ready to bleed
He was good at the bait and hook


He was really good at push and shove
He believed in "whatever it took"
And whatever it took, it was never enough


Well there was a crooked man and he walked a crooked mile
Lived a crooked life behind a crooked smile
Goodness, like an arrow, lodges where it can
But it never pierces the heart of a crooked man


Justify - when justice wouldn't pay the toll
Subtle lies - when the truth was better half than whole
Driven by an insatiable lust


For power that was just out of reach
Living on an illusion of trust
With a steady dose of control and greed


Some life - nobody came to say good-bye
Slow ride - for the author of his own demise


No one had much good to say
Some were glad that he was finally gone


His legacy was cold and gray
Like the mocking words that were carved in stone


Well there was a crooked man and he walked a crooked mile
Lived a crooked life behind a crooked smile


Goodness, like an arrow, lodges where it can
But it never pierces the heart of a crooked man

...There. I feel better,now.

What? You wanted a tossed salad with that?



There. I feel better, now.

19 comments:

midnight rider said...

Hey Jewel. I saw a video of two guys making this a couple days ago. It looks awesome.

When's supper?

Anonymous said...

I know. I know. I need. I hunger. I want. Tomorrow? Friday, maybe.

midnight rider said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
midnight rider said...

Did you get alot of snow last night? We dodged it here). My kid in Philly got 8 inches and Mayor Nutter (oh what an appropos name) didn't plow anything.

Anonymous said...

We had the most strange snow storm. We got an inch at most near us, but up in Lititz (one mile away) they got a foot! As we were driving around this afternoon, I noticed our rooftops had no snow on them, but just up the street, houses had at least 6-10 inches on their rooftops!
Really odd, to say the least. Our schools were delayed 2 hours, and the neighboring district a scant half mile away was cancelled!

Anonymous said...

You know, I wish people wouldn't delete their comments. It makes me wonder just how mean or funny what they said was.

midnight rider said...

Sorry about that. Deleted comment was mine, bad mispellings (blame the Wild Turkey).

I'm next county N.E. of you. We had a dusting. And frozen car doors.

Epaminondas said...

Anyone who eats that has a date with Lipitor in his or her future, and will retain enough water to float a boat.

;)

midnight rider said...

Epa -- So?

Epaminondas said...

I have 3 stents (used) I can sell you, MR

midnight rider said...

;>)

Mother Effingby said...

Ipsa Res Lipitor is the subtitle currently under the banner at my place Epaminondas. My aunt died on the operating table having one inserted.

midnight rider said...

I live in Pa Dutch Country, have Pa Dutch blood and, unfortunately, PA Dutch tastes and appetite. Go ahead. Watch what happens when you put REAL Dutch Pot Pie in front of me. Or Pork and Sauerkraut. Sigh.

But I do get to the gym very regularly to try to counter some of it.

When's supper again?

Anonymous said...

Oh MR, you can come to our house when I make the pork and kraut! Seriously, just email me. It would be a hoot! I have a very good Amish recipe for that, and I make shoo-fly pie, too! And I make a wicked good chicken corn soup as well. The first thing I did when moving to PA Dutch country was learn how to cook like a native. Lemon sponge pies, Lebanon Sweet Balogna rolled up with cream cheese. oh me oh my! If you really wanted to come for dinner it would be a most bloggable event!

Epaminondas said...

Sorry to hear that Jewel.
I was far more fortunate.

midnight rider said...

Now that could get interesting. The free world would never be the same and the Jihad not stand a chance. Shoo Fly pie. Chicken corn soup. Oh man.

Take the Lebanon bologna and make a sandwich with good mustard and cheese & then put salted cocktail peanuts (like Planters from the can)on it. They keep falling out but the taste and texture is really nice. Works with sweet bologna as well. Sounds aweful until you try it.

Always On Watch said...

Well, as long as we're discussing cardiac events....

My cousin-in-law, never sick a day in his life until the docs started mucking about with his system, had marginally high cholesterol, barely over 200. The doc put him on a statin.

Big mistake! Jim developed some rare complication; docs decided to install a pacemaker. The pacemaker was contaminated with staph.

Jim died 2 years later.

BTW, despite Jim's being a regular pork eater, his arteries were relatively clear. Jim was PA Dutch and must've had good genes for eating fatty stuff.

The final kicker to the above story: the pace maker was totally unnecessary and installed because of some kind of false-positive test -- at one of the best cardiac hospitals in America.

---------------

I have no idea why I'm typing in all this information! Maybe I just want to avoid looking at one more story about Islamification right now.

----------------

Anyway, Epa, I'm glad that your medical events came out much better than Jim's did!

midnight rider said...

AoW -- one pretty darn good theory about the PA Dutch and their cholestrol non-issues is that, though true they eat a tremendous amount of fat they also eat a tremendous amount of the sour, foods laced with vinegar and such, which help keep the arteries clear. That may have been why Jim was in good shape before the doctors got to him.

midnight rider said...

Well I'll be damned (very probably). Missed it the first time through.

Perpetually Offended,Outraged People. P.O.O.P. Poop.

(ok, so sometimes I'm a tad slow on the uptake)

Nice. Very nice indeed.