Monday, October 27, 2008

The Name’s Bond - James Anti-Jihadist Bond

Pastorius note: This story is false. Embarrassing, but apparently, we blew it. 


Well finally. A movie studio with some guts. Here’s the theme song in the front of the new James Bond film ‘Quantum of Solace’.


"I'm double oh seven baby.
I don't mean maybe.
You wanna make jihad baby.
I'd advise you against.
Oh the price of liberty
Might be death baby,
But I'm telling you baby,
Freedom makes sense.
And the price of an apple,
Yeah the price of an apple,
The price of an apple,
Is oh twenty cents.
Yeah the price of an apple baby,
Is oh twenty cents."


And it doesn’t end there. Catch this traditional Bond prologue before the music. From the Heelers Diaries.


The scene begins mundanely enough but quickly switches to maximum tempo.
We see the famous Agent 007 sitting boredly in his seat on a long haul flight from Australia.

He is enduring the typical flyer's nightmare.

The passenger in the seat beside him is a High Court Judge who insists on making the most insufferably monotonous conversation throughout the flight.
You can tell Bond thinks he's a crushing bore.

"In all the furore over Bush's War On Terror," the Judge opines, "we run the risk of forgetting altogether about human rights."

At this moment there is a great commotion in the back of the plane.
Shouts of "Allah U Akbar" ring out.

Five terrorists are running up the aisle towards the cockpit.

Bond leaps into action grappling with the lead terrorist.

The British secret agent is thrown backwards against the cockpit door.
The terrorist grabs the High Court Judge and puts a knife to his throat.

The other terrorists look on laughing.

Bond addresses the High Court Judge.

"Should I read them their rights?"

This is possibly the funniest line in any Bond film and it contains a subtle message for the viewers.

The Judge gurgles something incomprehensible.

Bond and the lead terrorist lock eyes.

The terrorist is laughing but there is a tinge of fear in his laughter.
"You know what?" sez Bond.

"What?" sneers the terrorist.

"Allah isn't really that Akbar," sez Bond.

He pulls his gun and shoots the five terrorists.

There's no clever manoeuvring. No more chit chat. He just shoots them.
With insolent skill.

A bullet for each.

Right between the eyes.

All five go down.

Bond sits back in his seat.

The Judge faints.

An adorable air hostess approaches.

"Meesthair Bont," she says breathlessly. "You are amazing. If there's anything I can get you. Anything..."

Bond says: "A dry martini on the rocks, shaken not stirred."

The main body of the plot concerns his discovery that the chief of Al Qaeda in London is working with the Iranians on a plan to detonate suitcase nuclear weapons in cities all over Britain and Ireland.

It outta be a hoot of a movie.


Citizen Warrior said...


Pastorius said...

CW took the words right out of my mouth.

I can't wait to see this movie. Yes.

Anonymous said...

You seem to have fallen for a typical Irish "shaggy-dog" story... of course this isn't the real film! When they said Americans have no sense of irony, I really didn't think it went this far!

Anonymous said...

Or have I failed to detect your irony when you say you can't wait to see the film (sorry, "movie")? In any case, the Heelers Diaries makes no secret of the fact that it is a "fantasy world".

Pastorius said...

Who's spreading this rumor?

Anonymous said...

The Heelers Diaries "review" is a very witty spoof. The real film of course has nothing to do with Islam or Al Qaeda - the villain is in fact an environmentalist trying to take over a country's water supply.

Anonymous said...

The Heelers "review" is not so much "false" as much as a very good parody of formulaic Bond shenanigans were they ever to tackle such a non-PC subject as the very real threat of Islamic terror.

WC said...

If its a ruse - too bad. Shucks.
Thought hollywood might be waking up. Guess not.

Anonymous said...

wc - yes, it is a shame. I would have gone to see the film described by the fantasy review, but as it is I won't bother. As for Hollywood waking up to reality, that would make a good premise for a science fiction film.

Citizen Warrior said...

It makes a good illustration of an important principle, however. Another good parable. Just like it is different to actually be on the receiving end of the redistribution of wealth, it is also very different to be on the receiving end of ruthless violence. The desire to protect those ruthless bastards' human rights greatly diminishes when your own life is at stake.

They SHOULD make this story the next James Bond movie.