Sunday, March 29, 2009

This Just In. . .

Worldwide Rolling Blackout Causes Pandemonium

Cities around the globe are reporting wide spread looting and rioting.

It all seemed to begin around 20:30 GMT when suddenly the lights in London went out, causing the Queen to miss her lips and spill a cup of hot tea down her bodice which in turn brought about some Royal epithets. Asked to be lead to the throne room the request was misunderstood and she was lead to the actual throne, sat on the crown jewels and, well. . .

Prince Philip was not available for comment but The Sun has already obtained photos and will be publishing a shocking expose shortly.

Across the Atlantic Americans went into a panic. In many cities there were reports of multivehicle pileups as motorists attempted to drive with their headlights out. Combined with the shutting off of streetlights and traffic lights the situation was grim.

In New York the Great White Way went dark, angering many theater goers whose performance was interrupted and causing many others to wonder which great thespian had just passed away.

In Washington D.C. President Barack Obama ordered the military to Defcon 2 and vowed talks with whoever had perpetrated the EMP attack. "I don't know who did this," he stated without aid of his electricity powered telethingy that was having an afteglow cigarette "I don't know, um, who, ah, may have, um, caused this kind of, um, trouble. but maybe we can, ah, um, sit down and, ah, I don't know you know, maybe, like, maybe talk to them and see what, oh, ah, um their um, beef is. Maybe what they, ah, really could, you know, really could, um, use is like a, a bailout or simulated no no, stimulated, no,wait, stimulus. Yeah."

Hospitals across the country scrambled to restore power fearing a large loss of life with their life support machines down. Lawyers nationwide were said to be rubbing their hands with fevered anticipation.

Most flights world wide were grounded as air traffic controllers resorted to flashlights, torches and Bic lighters to illuminate the landing strips to bring in aircraft and errant UFO's. “It looked like the encore of a Bruce Springsteen concert,” one pilot said. “It was beautiful, man.”

Call centers for major power companies were overwhelmed. “We hesitate to characterize this as a terrorist attack yet,” one power company spokesman speaking on the condition of anamin, amonit, ammoniat, condition we didn’t say who he was stated. “We believe it was all caused by a squirrel getting into a local substation and making his nest there. We thinks his nuts are toasted.”

When contacted by a Wild Turkey besodden IBA blogger one DHS official, who remains nameless because the blogger can't remember his name, stated “We really don’t know what happened yet. There seems to be no real good reason for the lights to be out.”

Film at elevenish. If we can get power to the damn cameras. And all the clocks reset. . .


Christine said...


revereridesagain said...

That was beautiful, man.

Andre79 said...

Good laugh.