Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Mohammed Claus

My friends and I (all of us Christians) have kidnapped Mohammed for Christmas and forced him to act as Santa Claus.


Anonymous said...


Seasonal maledictions and woe unto you Kaffir Jews and Christians.

To all you Jewish sons of pigs and monkeys who have just finished celebrating Hanukkah, I pray that next year in Jerusalem Allah may send hurricane force winds to blow out your menorah candles and that your one day's supply of consecrated oil be consumed in 12 hours.

Your victory over Antiochus (pbuh) is a mere temporary setback and could not have occurred without assistance from the whisky-sodden Scottish mercenaries of the clan McCabeeus. We shall have our revenge on these Celts with their voluptuous hairy legs and all too revealing kilts that tempt the true believer into sin! One day we shall have Shaheeds who are trained to a drive a Jeep into Glasgow airport and then press the detonation button, rather than the other way round.

May Allah’s vengeance especially fall upon you Christians, worshippers of the winged idol sodomized by the topmost branch of a conifer sapling. The tree-idol is the ultimate in debauchery, for our beloved Prophet even at his horniest never had carnal relationships with vegetation.

Moreover you Kaffirs mock the Prophet's mufa’khathat of Ayesha with your blasphemous custom of sitting children on Santa's lap. This practice is an intentionally Islamophobic parody of the hadith in which Mohammad said to Ayesha “Ho! Ho! Ho! Come here little girl and sit on my knee and let’s talk about the first thing that comes up”.

And of course ‘Santa’ is an anagram of the most secret holy name of Allah.

But worst of all, you defile the sacred symbol of Islam - the mistletoe - by performing your writhing, steaming promiscuous orgies beneath its sacred berries. The mistletoe, by its mode of sustenance, is a holy symbol of the role of the Ummah in Dar al-Harb.

So, may Allah curse your abominable festivities. May your tinsel tarnish and your balloons deflate. May your turkeys catch bird flu and your Poinsettia be consumed by aphids. May your elderly relatives give you presents of ill-fitting knitwear and your objectionable in-laws buy drumkits for your children. May your holly scratch you and the wounds turn septic, and may your ivy be of the poisonous variety.

Inshallah soon all of Dar al-Harb will be Muslim, and your corrupted infidel ******mas Carols will be replaced by the genuine halal versions:

Little Bomber Boy
Jingle Belts
Violent Night
While Shepherds Screw Their Flocks
I stoned Mommy for kissing Santa Claus
Wreck the Halls
Go Shell Them From the Mountain
Frosty the Boobytrap
Oh Come all ye Fanatical
No-go Town of Bethlehem
Hijacked Three Ships
Oh TannenBOOM
Slay Ride

Shahid72 said...

This is a total disgrace!! Do I need to remind you what happened the last time you infidels defaced the prophet Mohammed? May the wrath of Allah shower upon you true justice!

Pastorius said...

Get in line.

Oh, and by the way, didn't I see your name and number on the inside of a bathroom stall? I hear you perform miracles with your mouth. It's not a service I'm interested in but, well, good for you anyway.

Pastorius said...

Ayatollah Khomeini,
As per usual, I invite you to become a fellow Infidel and a contributor here at the Infidel Bloggers Alliance.


dad4justice said...

I thought it was funny , can't people take the piss anymore ?

In solidarity Infidel Bloggers Alliance.

Jason Pappas said...

He definitely looks better without that bomb in his headdress. Perhaps a change in attitude would help. Next, swap the flying carpet for a sleigh.

Pastorius said...

Well, I guess the gay Jihadis like Shahid can't take a joke.

Pastorius said...

Now that you bring up the flying carpet, you have made me realize the Muslims probably take credit for inventing Santa and his sleigh too.

Anonymous said...

Dear Shahid,

Due to differences in our respective plumbing, you do not interest me, however, if you could please post a picture of your little sister.....


Anonymous said...

Are you crazy?

You don't put a guy like him within molesting distance of a reindeer's arse!

Anonymous said...

Reindeer's arses have no appeal...but if the donkey called Shahid72 would allow us the same pleasures with his she-donkey sister, as the Prophet (PBUH) prescribed....we may forgive his indiscretions, and wish him a swift and sinless journey to paradise.


Anonymous said...

Wait! Was that a Manly reindeer you spoke of?

Pastorius said...

I heard Shahid's sister is all used up from banging Jewish schlong.

Stogie said...

You guys should check out Shahid's website. I think his whole shtick is for satire only. Take a look, his blog is pretty entertaining and you can make some delicious comments on it to add to the fun.

Pastorius said...

Thanks for the tip, Stogie.