Deathwah on Dag.

I entered a Shi'ite literary mystery writing contest recently in the high hopes of scooping the substantial pot and garnering myself fame and a sex-life that includes someone other than me. Little did I know that my foray onto the literary battlefield would end with me winning only a Muslim deathwah.

I was so sure my title would to knock 'em dead, "Mohammed and the mystery of the walk-about jumper," that I opened with a bang.

I began Islamicly enough with this perfect line: "It was a dark and stormy day that by tea-time had Mohammed reaching for his jumper-- only to find it had gone walk about." Mohammed, his prose purple with rage, shouted out to the Moon God: "Ahhhoooo! I'll amputate the hand and alternate foot of whoever went walk-about with my fine jumper."

Well, to make my 300 page long story short, they didn't like it. Now I'm facing a deathwah. There are only a dozen things to do, so I'm going to run and hide. If you're not the sniveling coward I am, you might draw some of the Iranian ire away from me so I can continue my literary efforts in a new and, frankly, more up-scale contest, one wherein the judges have some appreciation for an artist at work!

Please leave the first line of your literary masterpiece in the comments box below,and with luck you'll win a deathwah too. Someone will contact you, probably in the middle of the night or at your office or on the tube or at a crowded cafe or in a schoolhouse in remote Russia. Good luck.