Wednesday, May 24, 2006

What If Other Religions Had Muslim Values?

Hare Krishnas demand death for non-Krishnas
Car bombs kill 19 Confucians in Singapore

Hare Krishnas demand special food in public schools, demand special Krishna prayer rooms, demand that women students be allowed to wear saris in classes, and demand to serve as chaplains in US armed forces.


Jews Riot Over Pictures of Buddhist Symbol
Demonstrations break out in 25 countries, embassy of Buddhist Thailand burned down, leading rabbi calls for holy war against infidels.

[Jewish religious leaders: "We will accept nothing less than cutting off the heads of the perpetrators!"]
From synagogues in Brooklyn to cities in Israel to Red Square in Moscow to retirement condominiums in Boca Raton, enraged Jews around the world are rioting to protest the use of swastikas on Buddhist temples. The fury is relentless, as Jewish parents are wrapping their children in Korean and Japanese flags before sending them to self-detonate in front of those countries' embassies.

As explained by residents at one Fort Lauderdale senior-care center, "If you thought that the Burger King's defamation against Islam was incendiary, then wait until you see how vengeance is taken against those who display swastikas. Those torchings of Broward County Sushi restaurants were no accident." However, when confronted with evidence that the arson attack might have actually come from these senior residents, he offered a different explanation: "It's against the Jewish religion to harm others. We know for a fact that the Buddhist Secret Service destroyed those restaurants in order to make us look bad."

The Anti-Defamation League National Director, Abraham H. Foxman, was particularly livid. "How dare any false religion display this odious symbol? This is clearly a deliberate and calculated attack on Judaism, and, in the name of G-d, we are declaring a Holy War to the death against these Asian monsters who drink the blood of Jewish infants. G-d be praised, we will destroy every one of you!"

When informed that the swastika symbol predated the Nazis by 6000 years, and that it has also been long-used by Hindus and Jains, as well as among other cultures prior to the rise of the Nazis, Mr. Foxman, enraged, pounded on a table and screamed, "Death to them all, then!" He continued, "There is already precedent for defense against Buddhism, and the world will forget in five minutes anyway."

Jewish religious leaders elsewhere led mobs of fanatical worshippers, chanting: "Off with their heads!" On Red Square in Moscow, Russia, a rabbi leading a thousand-strong street protest stated, "Those Asian sign makers must be cut into as many pieces as the number of signs they produced." A chief rabbi in Munich, Germany, declared: "G-d will accept nothing less than dismemberment, and this is our last word.

In response to these recent outbursts of rage and violence, the U.S. Department of State apologized on behalf of Buddhists worldwide for the "insensitivity in which this symbol has been used", and U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan urged Jewish leaders to accept the State Department's apologies: "I appeal to the Jewish people to accept the apologies, and to forgive the wrong they have suffered."

Meanwhile, CNN declared that "out of respect for the Jewish religion, we will never report on stories from Asia again. There is free speech, and then there is gratuitous provocation. We will always respect the sensitivities of others, and would never broadcast anything with offensive content."


Zoroastrian terrorist leader warns West

Cartoonists who draw unfavorable pictures of the Prophet Zarathustra will be killed; Parsee community demands severe penalties for publications that have run parodies of Zarathustra.

We call on all Zoroastrians everywhere to attack non-Zoroastrian infidels, says Ozama bon Libin, head of Al Qabalah terror group.


Mormon women speak out in favor of female genital mutilation, marriage as young as nine years old, head covering, legal requirement that 2 women are needed to equal the testimony of 1 man in a court of law, and divorce prohibition.

For us, said Phoebe Snow, wearing a head covering or full body cover, is a fashion statement and an expression of Mormon identity. This, in no way, indicates our subservience to Mormon men. Besides, our holy text, the Book of Mormon, was given directly to our Prophet from God and it says that women must do these things.


Baha'i terrorists bomb Berlin commuter trains; 498 killed, thousands injured.

Shouting "Alla-U-Abha," Baha'i zealots attack schools in Tehran demanding that anti-Baha'i teachers should be killed. Wave of kidnappings of Muslim professors in Iran causes concern for officials. Muslim journalists critical of Baha'i religion are intimidated into silence.


Dalai Lama calls for destruction of state of India, says that when the Hindu nation is "erased from the map," the world's problems will come to an end.

Hindus are pigs and apes, says Buddhist leader. We can only tolerate them if they agree to pay a dharma tax and abide by the laws of the Holy Sutra. Hindus may not build new temples , if they try to convert Buddhists they will be put to death. But we are free to convert them.


Christians riot - 20 major US cities ablaze

Release of "Da Vinci Code" ignites massive demonstrations from coast to coast. 14 dead in Atlanta, hundreds injured; Chicago under siege as dozens of movie theaters are burned.

Leading Evangelical offers $ 1,000,000 to anyone who kills Dan Brown. Our Fatwa is the will of God, says James Dobson. leader of "Focus on the Family," terrorist group.

Representatives of Baptists, Pentecostals, Methodists, and other groups, call on Congress to outlaw all movies that insult the Bible. Hundreds of thousands of believers go on rampage in Hollywood, movie goers beaten up.

Tom Hanks shown on "Christian Defenders of Jesus" video. Famous actor is beheaded. Jerry Falwell, head of "Liberty" organization linked to terror groups, praises "resolute action."

Car bombs wreck havoc in Houston as Christian suicide bombers demand the end to infidel occupation of Texas entertainment industry. Blasts rock downtown markets; 48 killed, 231 injured. FBI searches for terrorist leader, Pat Robertson, head of vicious group known as
"Operation Blessing."

Christian charities funnel millions to arms dealers and to outlaw groups that manufacture explosives.

About a dozen Christians in Boston say that Christianity has been hijacked by extremists, that recent events do not show "real Christianity."

C. I. A. R. -Christian Institute for All-out Resistance- files lawsuit against school board for defaming Christianity as violent. Seeks millions in damages. Says school board members will not live long if they do not agree to demands.


Note - All of the above is taken from an e-mail sent to the Worldwide Zionist Conspirators HQ mail box. I have tried my best to keep it as close to the original as possible. Oh, and a big thanks to the reader who sent it in.

(I believe that the articles are all taken from


Pastorius said...

What a great post. That's a classic.

Dag said...

That site is incredibly funny.

Anonymous said...

The Vatican announces 'substantial progress' in its Neutron Bomb program.

The Archbishop of Canterbury has invited other faith leaders to attend his third wife's ninth birthday party (or is that his ninth wife's third birthday party?).

Buddhist monks say there's nothing wrong with their gang rape of Catholic nuns since the sluts are asking for it by wearing such provocative clothing.

3pillars said...

Thanks for giving me a good laugh.

J said...

glad everyone enjoyed it as much as me ;)

Miss Carnivorous said...

Oh Gawd this post is hilarious. Hilariously tragic. The best post ever.

Anonymous said...

In a surprise move which has raised some eyebrows among the more conservative Catholic clergy, the Pope made an unexpected change to the itinerary of his American Tour.

While flying over Texas on Sunday morning, the Pontiff entered the cockpit of his Papal jet and slit the throats of his pilot and co-pilot. He then took control of the airplane and smashed it into a crowded Baptist Megachurch.

Air traffic control report the Holy Father's last words were "I'm gonna send you all to hell you motherf****** Protestant heretics".

As the death toll rose above 4000, President Bush interupted his visit to a madrassa to reassure the American people than only a tiny minority of Popes were psychopathic suicidal hijackers.

In today's main foreign news story, the gang of Quakers who have taken over the London school have ritually disembowelled another twenty children. Tony Blair said that he understood their grievances and would not be sending the SAS into such a sensitive situation, as it might offend the rest of the Quaker community.

Anonymous said...


Does the technology exist somewhere to scan that post (plus everything religion of pieces can come up with) onto the front page of tomorrow's New York Times and pleaseghod The Boston Globe?

Bravecat said...

I am SO linking to it on my blog! :D
Great post!

Cubed © said...

LOVE THIS! What a GREAT illustration of the importance of art!

I commented at some length in the "Danes" post above about the importance of art because it truly drives me nuts for people not to understand... This is a PERFECT example of the ability of art to communicate values!

The sheer idiocy of Muslim values couldn't be better illustrated than they have been here - brilliant! Absolutely brilliant!

Oh, and by the way, another piece of art that illustrates values so beautifully is the Cox and Forkum cartoon; for those of you who may have missed it, it shows a boat being crushed by a monstrous octopus while a shark circles around. Off in the distance, in the water, is a small figure swimming towards the shore with the reconizable New York City skyline in the background, and the silhouette of the Statue of Liberty. The boat was the "Ayaan Hirsi Ali," the octopus was "Islamism," the shark was "Dutch politics," and the small figure was. . . Well, you know.

It is the extraordianry economy of expression with which a single cartoon can communicate values that scares the shit out of the totalitarians.

This is just another fine example of the reason art is so essential to human beings.

Qatar cat,

I'm with you - this is getting linked!

Anonymous said...

It would be funny if it wasn't so painful.